Aqua Down My Face Because Aqua Broke My Heart

You probably know them by their hit song “Barbie Girl.” “c’mon Barbie lets go party ah ah ah yeah” (really, though, that song is only one small part of their collection, and hardly indicative of what they have to offer). They are Aqua, the band which produced what has, over the years, become my favorite album. They have also become notoriously hated throughout most of my friend group (by that I mean Elizabeth and Pomona. Pomona doesn’t read my blog so I can say whatever I want here. Wasps are overrated). In the few times I have tried to play Aqua for all to enjoy, the speaker has been forcibly removed from the room while others cover their ears and/or try to beat me. But here’s the thing—I don’t blame them. Everything in our nature as educated, sophisticated, mature (or aspiring mature) people tells us to REJECT Aqua. On first impression, the bubbly bouncy Eurodance beats that swarm into your ear canals will make you positive that your brain tissue is halving itself with every passing minute, until only twelve, bleached, tone-deaf cells will remain. Yes, at first, you will laugh derisively at Aqua, and wonder if they made their songs as an ironic joke. Admittedly, I had absolutely no taste in music when I downloaded their albums as an eighth grader. I pretty much just downloaded their album because I thought Rene’s rapping was pretty hot.

But, by about my third time through the album Aquarium, I realized that I had found a diamond in the rough—the rough, rough world of finding music that you don’t get tired of.

Here’s the thing—there are plenty of high quality songs out there. Songs so beautiful and emotional that ecstasy floods your body while pushing tears of melancholy from your eyes. Songs that make you long for things you cannot have, songs that fill you with joy, songs that seem to hug your soul. But the more that you repeat those songs over and over again, the more disappointed they leave you. It’s like, been there. Felt that. Those songs are an experience—four-ish minutes of breathless pleasure and fulfillment. They will never be *that* good again. Well, maybe if you wait a few weeks between listens they will be. The point is, you can’t listen to them all the time. Nobody wants to be overwhelmed with emotion every single time they need some tunes. It would be exhausting. Aqua doesn’t have that problem.

Ok, so at this point you’re probably like “yEAh Emi. That’s what makes it trash.” Well, here’s why it’s not:  the most pleasurable thing about Aqua (aside from the fact that Lene’s voice flows like a river of honey and cinnamon) is that every note radiates positivity. No matter how down you’re feeling, how stressed out you are, Aquarium will almost never fail to make your day a little better. It just makes you want to wave your arms and hop around. Who can be sad whilst club dancing? Also, every song seems to take place in that wonderful fantasy place of happiness where serious problems don’t exist. Often, it is just the cure for that funk which our depressing world can sometimes send us into. Aqua is a reminder that sadness is not permanent. It’s a reminder that good things exist, like dancing. Instead of sending you into deep states of emotion, Aqua restores your emotion to a happy place of happiness. When I feel down, Aquarium and the thought of Aqua gives me hope because I think at least, this one pure, fun, bright thing exists.

I first discovered Aqua in eighth grade. As I began to realize the delight found in the tunes of Aquarium, I also began to love the band. The four members, Rene, Lene, Soren, and Claus inspired me. I thought I had finally found a reason to believe that purity can exist, that that fantastical land of happiness was real, that there are bright, unblemished spots of light to be found in our dark world. I watched their music videos, where they interacted with harmony and humor. I watched live videos, and I loved the way they seemed to gravitate towards each other and share a passion for making fun, upbeat music. They were perfect and happy and lovely. One thing that especially made me appreciate Aqua was the marriage of Lene, the lead singer, and Soren, the keyboardist. They had been married for sixteen years. It gave me hope in love. Every day another famous couple broke up for whatever reasons. It seemed like love was always dried up in the cold world of public scrutiny and tabloids and the challenges of fame—it seemed that love was not strong enough to persist. But then I saw Lene and Soren, two famous people who had stuck it out, and I thought, maybe love can endure. Maybe there are fairy-tale endings after all. Their relationship just made me love Aqua all the more—it stood out among relationships like a shining star in a dark sky.

Then, Lene and Soren got divorced. I sat staring at my computer screen in shock, repeating “No….no….” Surely it had to be a mistake. I checked like three articles searching for some reason to believe that the divorce was just fake news. Alas, it was not. I had really, really thought that they would make it. I am well aware of how high divorce rates are, but I suppose I just had this feeling of surety that if anyone could beat the odds, it was Lene and Soren. Heroes of Aqua. Their marriage had been like a lantern in my mind, keeping that one small flame, which persisted in believing that true love exists, alive within it. The news of Lene and Soren’s divorce blew out that flame like a cold wind.

But that’s not all—that same night, as I scrolled misty-eyed through old pictures of Lene and Soren, I came across another spirit-crushing bit of news. Lene and Rene had dated for three years when Rene first recruited Lene as the lead singer of Joyspeed (Aqua was originally called Joyspeed). During this time, Lene actually began to cheat on Rene with Soren, and that’s how their relationship started. Luckily the band was able to overcome this trial amicably. I just shook my head in disbelief. I know I don’t have all the pieces of the story so it’s not fair of me to pass judgement, but just…how could Lene do that to Rene? Also, that’s not how a fantasy love story should start. My illusions of a pure, perfect Aqua were running down the drain.

I don’t know. The divorce just set a cherry on top of the way Aqua has changed in my mind over the years. I started listening to them near the very end of my childish era, a time when I still saw the future as a promise of success, a fairy tale ending, a romanticized journey of overcoming movie-like obstacles and falling irrevocably in love with my co-star or something. As the realities of life began to set in as I grew and matured, the way that I hear the music of Aqua changed. More and more, I realize that their happy, upbeat songs are not a result of untroubled, perpetually happy, upbeat lives. That’s not a thing. Instead, the songs are a choice to be happy despite whatever has you down in life. Aqua as a band displays a choice to continue to be happy and receiving, despite conflict. Their music is not superficial; their lyrics are filled with the truths of life and lust and heart pain. Their seemingly surface-level words are metaphors that ring with deeper meaning.

Their music videos are still mostly ridiculous. Ridiculously awesome.

No, Aqua is not perfect. They are as human as the rest of us. The band broke up. Lene and Soren broke up. Lene’s voice is not what it used to be (less honey now. More…soda. And can’t quite reach those high notes. Probably from all the Rock n’ Roll screaming). They lip-synced every now and then. But despite all this, Aqua will always friggin rule, and remain a treasure among music. Fight your instincts and listen to Aquarium. Close your eyes and sway to “Aquarius” and “We Belong to the Sea,” then get up and dance along all of Aqua’s other songs. There’s a good chance you won’t be disappointed.

Well folks, that’s all for now. Goodbye blog. If anyone’s interested in forming an Aqua cover band hit me up.

Oh I love you Ken!

And that’s a big 10-4